Evolution of Parenting

I'm a pretty open person and I enjoy having my beliefs challenged because it makes me understand myself and my beliefs more, or it pokes holes in my thought process and I can reevaluate. In my parenting I have read countless books over the past 22 years, I have ebbed and flowed and understood that each kiddo is different and that calls for differing views and perspectives.

There is a difference between a kid who like cheese pizza and one that prefers pepperoni vs children that can impromptu make a store outing and one that I have to assess the lights of buildings before I plan our trip.

With my oldest four daughters, I was a very interactive parent, we had day long art days and enjoyed going to the family museum, we went on the Channel Cat (a ferry that travels to different ports along the Mississippi River), and we had "Not so Bummer Summer" lists that we would check off every year before the beginning of school started. But one thing remained the same...no. screens. Everything had a time limit. Phones they could have for two hours a day, and chores to earn more time. Playing video games was strictly one hour a day and was the first thing to go as a reprimand.

Nothing is the same.

Sometimes we do art, but as soon as markers or paint is involved Ezra ends up with war marks on his face -- impressively in less than one second. I think I SAY the word markers and they just appear...or as soon as I think it. I'm not sure, but it is impressive.

Museums are mostly off limits because of the lighting and the noise...yes, the noise and echoes of the museum.

Water parks, not so great, Ezra gets disturbed by FREQUENCY of water - running water = good. Trickling water = good. Spraying water = BAD BAD VERY BAD.

I cannot seem to make a safety plan for the Channel Cat. I want to. I want him to experience that, but if we are done, there is nothing I can do to get us to port fast enough and there are too many jumps. In fact, I wont take Ezra down to the river because last year he had a blast at the lake and thinks that he can just jump into the Mississippi...which is deadly.

And screens...lmao. What a joke, what a silly joke I thought that was that I would limit screen time with this kid. He doesn't get to stay on it all the time, but when he is super dysregulated and we've done all the things, I am 7,000% okay with him going into my dark closet where his couch is and his toys are and just watching the tablet under a blanket until he is ready to be apart of whatever this life is, again.

I have humbly learned that even in my - what I thought was - infinite acceptance of parenting types I definitely have a very deep understanding of the benefit of screen time. It is the only thing that gives me any sort of respite from being constantly "on"..and Ezra also.

There are more things that have absolutely changed. Food times are no longer scheduled, I have a bin of snacks that's available to them always, I make plates of food of "everything they do and dont like" and they can eat whatever they want (gives opportunity for new foods without pressing the expectation). I dont have a playroom, my house is basically a childrens museum now. Cold foods are always on hand. Sugar isn't the devil - not always accessible but not evil. Detoxing happens passively. I have multiple modalities for ingesting l-theanine and other calming supplements for me and the kinds on hand at all times. Hugs and greetings are not mandatory...ever. And at first sign of "it's time to go" we leave. And if Ezra says "I need a break" three times in a row, we leave. Drives happen just to keep us sane. I'm sure there's more, but I have learned so so so much. We no longer care about expectations or what people may think of us, it's all about keeping OUR world peaceful.

There's a time for everything - a time to push and a time to not...life gives us enough demands that are unavoidable. Life itself is crazy and most of the time not peaceful at all, all I can do is make our environment (at home and out in the wild) as peaceful as possible.

All that I know is that we are all just trying our best to keep our heads above water. I don't know where the life raft went, but I have a deep appreciation for the evolution of parenting that has transpired and that is currently underway.

May we all learn to float.