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When I was little I walked around in my own little world, singing, writing stories, oblivious to most things around me. When I wasn't being called a worry wart for my "worst case scenarios" my granny called me her sweet little songbird. When I was pregnant with my middlest daughter, the midwife told me that her estimated date of arrival was 10/5. That was my granny's birthdate, and therefore we chose to name her Avalie Charlotte. Our sweet little songbird. My ex-husband and I

I used to love going to music festivals - Summer Camp, Cornerstone primarily. One of the music geniuses at Cornerstone was a poet/musician named Bradley Hathaway. I took my two oldest daughters, Lyra and Jada with me to several. It was always a good time. I adopted Bradley Hathaway's song "Look up" into our bath time routine. I would lather the girls' hair and then sing "Oooooh! Look up, look up, look up into the sky love, you see that moon shining so high up above us, it rol

Happy birthday to the one and only Shawn Maddox! I absolutely cannot imagine where my life would be without this man - actually, I can, it'd be non-existent, since he's my dad. He is quite literally my first memory. I remember being about 3 years old and I had on this white dress with red polka dots, there was a bell hidden in the fabric. I remember being nestled on his chest at their church and I could hear his deep voice reverberate off his chest and I felt...safe. A feelin

Since Ezra stopped screaming and started talking in the van, all drives have been a hoot. He will either ask for whatever his favorite song is at the time (we've gone through Beautiful Things, Bushel and A Peck - the Doris Day version and Chalk Outlines by REN) and it will be listened to on repeat ("momma, please 1,000 times" or he will stim HARD. Car stimming mostly looks like complete repetition while we drive. When he was first learning to count, he would count 1-1-2-2-3-3

TRIGGER WARNING - SA, TRAUMA, EATING DISORDER, ABUSE When I was a kid - from what I remember - I lived in my own little world. I was called a worry wart, a day dreamer and pretty much always had my nose in a book - I even won being Principal For the Day when I was in 2nd grade for reading the most books in the school. Not to brag. I knew when I was very young that I wanted to be a mom - my dream job was a teacher and a mom and (spoiler alert) I got to do both! At age 11, I ju

Family Vacation 2026 Someone recently told me that we get to parent our children for 19 years. 18 years while they are in the home and in our care and then accumulatively for 1 year the rest of their lives. That resonated LOUDLY! I love my adult daughters with an indescribable love. They saved my life so many times just by being my daughters. Lyra is 21 and got married this past April. She is so funny, creative and as a little girl walked around in her own world singing and j

HAHAHAHA Sure, AI, sure...close enough. LMAO Holy macaroni!!! OUR BOY EZ IS POTTY TRAINED!!!! The journey started about a year ago. Potty training, fifth kid, I had this IN THE BAG. No. First boy. I dont have a penis. Avoidance of any demand. Not the same. I made a sticker chart and my mom got his some fancy shark stickers (Thank you Grammy!!) I did "if you pee on the potty, you can have 3 M&M's" "If you pee on the potty we can go to Wellington Toffee for ice cream!" "If you

One of the greatest anomalies as an autism parent is being in the throes of autistic parenting - pause, let me explain what being in the throes means to me: Insomnia (on his end and forced insomnia on mine) Extreme demand avoidance Meltdowns lasting from 5 minutes to 2 hours Sensory processing issues Violent outbursts for seemingly no reason Speech regression (sometimes to the point of only making sounds or only choosing to sign) Hyper fixation on the most mundane (to me) top

There was this amazing season of Ezraisms where Ezra had decided that he was going to only listen to Danny GO! in Spanish. I was working at my parents house one day and Ezra was in the living room rocking out. It sounded familiar but wasn't 100% sold on what I was listening to. I came out of the room on my ten minute break and said "What are you doing, bud?" and he said "Danny GO!" and I said "that doesn't sound like Danny GO! and he said "It is, I just only speak Spanish now

I'm a pretty open person and I enjoy having my beliefs challenged because it makes me understand myself and my beliefs more, or it pokes holes in my thought process and I can reevaluate. In my parenting I have read countless books over the past 22 years, I have ebbed and flowed and understood that each kiddo is different and that calls for differing views and perspectives. There is a difference between a kid who like cheese pizza and one that prefers pepperoni vs children tha

I am not ultra religious. I haven't been for a very long time, due to a lot of really nasty people in the world making me take a massive step back from literally anything organized. Maybe I myself am also not organized...I dont know. I do have faith and loads of it. But that's not where this is going. I got pregnant when I was 16. That's young. Too young. And the dad walked out, walked away. We didn't know we were pregnant with our second. That was the first time I heard "God

Avalie is a 12 year old honor roll student and is one of the most creative people I have ever come in contact with. Eleanor is a 6 year old girl, with a diabolical sense of humor and also diagnosed with autism (Level 1). This is their experience. What's your favorite thing about having a sibling with autism? A: I dont know. He's really funny E: Playing with him because he gets to learn and he learns about games What's the hardest part? A: Waking up in the middle of the night

I think all parents doubt that they are doing the right thing. I know for me, I am a researcher, and my research gets to be researched and even then, sometimes, I don't know that I am doing the right thing. The internal dialogue is rarely silenced. Today, as I sat in my "office" (bedroom) and was working, my dad was hanging out with Ezra and took him outside to play. Ezra picked a couple of flowers, he told my dad that he had to bring them in to me, that "Momma needed flowers

We have a new addition to the Holiday household. I had been considering getting the kids a pet. At first I thought about a fish, because who doesn't like to watch them glub glub around? Then I considered a turtle. But it's not really anything you can "play with". I landed on a cat. And around Mother's Day I had decided that we would go to a shelter to pick out our new family friend. Something in me told me to wait. And the next week, my dear friend reached out to me and she

I had an old friend that would tell me this phrase repeatedly about people in my life: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." I have changed so much - intentionally and honorably over the years. I know that change is possible, but I also know that it is through self reflection and dedication that I choose to always elevate and be the best version of myself. I also know that most people will choose comfort over change and gladly excuse their behaviors for simple

I was 16 when I had my first daughter. It was 4 days before my 17th birthday and I was IN LOVE. I was so excited to meet this tiny little baby, born almost two months early. She was everything I had ever dreamed of. Madisyn Lyra, "my good star". I took her everywhere with me. Youth group, running errands, to hang out with friends...she was like those little puppies that people put in their purses or pockets. I was SO PROUD and SO THANKFUL to be a mother to this precious littl

When all of this started with Ezra - the 2 1/2 hour meltdowns and the insomnia and regressions and what felt like insanity...I felt like...I was okay, at first. This wasn't my first rodeo. This wasn't even my first child that didn't sleep, or that cried frequently, just maybe not this intense. Not my first child that didn't like their car seat, etc. But all of my creative go to's to make things better, just seemed to be null and void. Nothing worked. So I started this journey

Grief. So much grief. There's this amazing book called The Hotel Under the Sand by Kage Baker, in the first chapter the author talks about this young girl named Emma. Emma was on a great adventure that started off with massive waves of all consuming grief. It then says that if Emma started crying now for everything that she had lost in the waves, she would never stop crying, so she got up, brushed herself off and continued on her way. I have experienced layer upon layer upon

If you haven't gathered from previous blog posts-- I love being a mom. Adore it. It's what I wanted to be when I grew up (next to a teacher and a ballerina). What I don't absolutely love -- all the children shows. As soon as the tv turns on "Mom! Can we watch bluey?" "Mom! Cant we watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse?" ........................ ........................ Mom.................. Cant we watch baby shark?! (NOOOOOO!!!!!!!! It's BANNED in my house) Ezra likes to "dance" (sti

I have this friend/mentor/guru. She is one of my favorite people. We'll call her Sarah (mostly because, this is her name). I started seeing her in the early throes of marital turmoil, when the narcissistic abuse was at it's peak. She was doing some amazing work with emotions and learning to heal past trauma. At the time I blamed myself for everything that was going on in our marriage (mostly because I was told that it was all my fault). She taught me this amazing modality cal