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I have this friend/mentor/guru. She is one of my favorite people. We'll call her Sara (mostly because, this is her name). I started seeing her in the throes of marital turmoil, when the narcissistic abuse was at it's peak. She was doing some amazing work with emotions and learning to heal past trauma. At the time I blamed myself for everything that was going on in our marriage (mostly because I was told that it was all my fault). She taught me this amazing modality called Emo

When I found out I was pregnant with my deeply desire daughter, I was 16. I remember the day that I knew I was pregnant. I was at the fairgrounds with her dad, we were sitting in the Grandstand waiting for some country music artist to bless us with his vocal chords. I was elated. He...was not. I looked off to the east and saw this MASSIVE dark cloud rolling in. Queue sirens. I popped up and I could have outrun the best sprinter in the land. I was jumping over tent ropes, dod

I am apart of many "mom groups". I always have been. From the "Crunchy mom" to the " young single mom" to the "Toddlers with autism mom" and they all have their own stigma, right? Like the crunchy, hippie, granola mom's don't do food coloring, probably don't shower, I'm not sure what else comes with that. But then you have "autism mom" and I figured as an autism mom we probably all have adrenal fatigue, insomnia, and crazy schedules; however, in one of the support groups, so

Well, that was a trainwreck. December wasn't terrible. I got to spend the entire month with my sister from Portland, did a thousand activities with my children and loved ones, of course celebrate Christmas (7 times!) and rang in the new year with Ellie and Ezra asleep on my chest while I watched the ball fall in Times Square. Ezra aged out of all of his Early Intervention therapies. He did the thing. I cried. Especially after Miss Christy left. I pray that these providers kno

I don't know why it has taken me almost 20 years to realize what being an adult is. The beautiful mix of freedom and brilliance not just responsibility and taxes. I had kind of a breakthrough when I decided to paint my room a super dark teal. Then dreamed about painting my bathroom black (I haven't done it yet, but I am kind of obsessed with it). Not everything has to be white and grey and clean cut and perfectly pristine. I have had a lot of a-ha moments, but my favorite was

I'll answer the title, before even telling you the story. This. Is. Insanity - Outrageous - Unpredictable - Nervous system exhausting B.S. Ezra has been diagnosed autistic (level 2) since April of this year. He has profound sensory, tactile, vestibular and proprioceptive needs. He will absolutely talk you in circles, he is very bright and clever and speech is not one of the things that we have to worry about any more - after VERY DILIGENT work. Developmentally he is at the ag

I don't understand what's happening. I didn't know until a few years ago that not everyone dreams. And out of the people who do, not everyone dreams in colors, or has sound to their dreams. My dreams have always been super vivid, colorful, rememberable, and like I am watching a movie. I have experienced traveling, sharing the same dreams (or very similar), reoccuring dreams, dreams that seem to come true, sleep paralysis, sleep walking (only once when I was a kid - that I kno

When I was married, he would laugh at the number of times that our children would say "mom". He always said that I needed one of those clickers to count. I would tell my children: "Guys, look, I'm right here, you dont have to say 'mom' before you say something to me. I am always listening". "Okay, mom" I think Eleanor and Ezra are the worst (or best?) at this. They would definitely have the highest "mom" count. Sometimes I am really good at ignoring the number of "mom, mom,

We had court on October 10. I showed up rattled after being stalked for weeks, 32 weeks of no visitations, only one doctor appointment ever attended by "dad" and he was asking for full custody (at first, then 50/50 in the courtroom). It's taken me a bit to unravel that day and slowly let my brain open up to what was said and not said. I had an amazing support team, my best friend, my dad and my fella were all present; two to be my strength and ears in the courtroom, so while

I am an avid problem solver. I am a "think out of the box"er. I am a growing encyclopedia of ideas and creative ways to turn chaos into beauty. For without the liquidation of the caterpillar, you wouldnt get the cocoon. Without the obliteration of the seed, you wouldn't get the flower. I started working when I was 14 years old -- outside of my steady babysitting job, which I start at age 11. I worked at a pizza shop until I was 16 and then my coffee shop career started. I rem

This is one of my biggest learned lessons over the last couple of years; the duality of emotions. It's a beautiful conundrum, not just...

Choose love, my loves I have been divorced for over 4 years. During that time, I have had one six-month relationship, otherwise I have...

This week has been wild, unsettling, full of hope and then smashing disappointment. Our President and RFK went live to address all things...

I love the ages between 4-6 when kids' little brains explode with color and imagination and story-telling. Every age has it's perks,...

My oldest two daughters probably got the "most sane" and "most fun" mother out of the bunch. We went to concerts and music festivals,...

Not an actual picture of the eagle, or bedroom or popcorn I have been so fortunate as a mother. I truly have been blessed with some of...

Look at cinema; check out the comedies that we all love and adore. From the Three Stooges to Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good...

I read something the other day that said "you aren't healing to get rid of the pain, you are healing to experience the joy". Like many...

Breathe with me. Breathe in for 4 seconds. Hold for 4 seconds. Exhale for 8 seconds. Chaos is chaosing lately. We all have our own...

Ezra doesn't have many fears. Big dogs have always been one of them. I'm working on it with him and have been for a while. He's also...