Ezra Sage

What is the quote? Tell God you have a plan and watch him laugh? It seems kind of like a "kid with a magnifying glass" description of God, but I have found this sentiment to be pretty true of my life, thus far. Ask God for lemons and he may give me a lime in 12 years.

I'm pregnant and I am thriving in my new home. Single and just enjoying every moment of this pregnancy with this child I chose to keep.

I knew from the moment those two pink lines formed that I was pregnant with a boy and that his name would be Ezra. I don't know how I knew, but I knew. All of my other children, the name choosing process was filled with baby name books and internet searches, finding the perfect combination of meanings that would suit their amazing personalities.

Pretty early on in the pregnancy the "dad" chose to walk away, he chose to no longer be involved in the pregnancy or support me in anyway, which I was okay with. I truly had given him the freedom to be as involved as he felt drawn to, but drew the boundary that if he walked, that was it until after the baby was born. Having the freedom to grow this human, birth this human and make all of the choices for my son, was honestly liberating.

I chose early on to have a home birth (wait for it...). I had THE BEST Midwife and even my conventional care team was exceptional. I had some pretty intense dizziness and some other odd symptoms, but was assured by my team and by the Dr I worked for that it was just because I was pregnant and even more intense... pregnant with a boy. Bodies are weird and I accepted that "diagnosis". Plus, on the emotional side of things, I did "have a lot on my plate" which will also cause similar symptoms. A "perfect storm" if you will.

The pregnancy flew by. Everything was picture perfect for the babe. The ultrasounds showed a healthy baby, with the perfect heartbeat and the 3D ultrasound showed his perfect little cheeks, that I couldn't wait to kiss. I, on the other hand, was getting ocular migraines and sleep paralysis, which also seemed strange, but I was told it was okay, bodies are weird...pregnant with a boy things.

My birthing area was coming together so nicely, I had a birth pool set up, a couch for my birthing team, affirmations everywhere, I knew what snacks I would have for myself and my care team and the entire basement was adorned with twinkle lights. I was so ready!!! It was December and it was cold in the Midwest, but the warmth that I had created in my basement birthing oasis was lovely.

I had been having contractions off and on for weeks. I was tired (as most pregnant women are, at the end of pregnancy). I went to work on December 30th and I collapsed. My blood pressure dropped, my heart rate spiked and I was not okay. The Dr sent me home and told me to not come back until after the baby was born. She thought that I was in early labor, baby would be here any minute. I went home hopeful.

I spent the next few days waiting, preparing, relaxing, enjoying my time with my other children. We celebrated New Years (which is when I thought baby would come earthside). And on January 1st, I brought my children home from a night visiting with my parents, got everyone cozied up in my bed in the basement. I went to go to the bathroom and get myself ready for bed, when I started seeing stars and almost passed out. My body broke out in a cold sweat and I felt like I was dying. I called my parents first to come over. Then I called my midwife, who told me that while it could be early labor, she wanted me to go to labor and delivery and get checked out.

My dad took me to the hospital and I was convinced they would send me home to have my ideal homebirth. I took nothing but my purse and water bottle with me. I had just had a check up earlier that day with my midwife and all my vitals were good, baby was great, everything on was on track.

Triage sucks when you are pregnant. My bp was slightly elevated, but nothing to be concerned about. But they did find a minute amount of protein in my urine, which meant one of two things. Either I stayed for an induction, or I left AMA and would not be able to return if something went wrong (per this nurse's words). I bawled. I talked with my dad and told him I guess I was having a baby. They took me to a room and let me sleep that night, my dad stayed with me and my birthing team was alerted that although we didn't talk about a "Plan B", it was already underway.

Covid restrictions were still intact at the hospital, despite it being 2023. The hospital was thankfully somewhat lax and understanding that my dad was not my birth team, although I'm sure he would have done great. My midwife and doula were allowed to come up. Everyone assumed that my midwife was my partner, which became a running joke.

Pitocin was started and my sweet angel of a doula brought up my twinkle lights and affirmations and tried to make the hospital room as cozy as possible.

I wont give you the play by play of my birth story, but it wasn't glamorous. A nurse made a HUGE error causing Ezra to flip and try to come out foot first, they stopped the Pitocin and I had to try to reverse the effects. I ended up having an epidural to get him flipped back and then he tried to come out fist first. The poor kid needed Google Maps to get out of there. After trying Pitocin again, they started watching our vitals fall. Everything was unraveling. A c-section had been my biggest fear with all of my other children and this time it was the only way to guarantee safety.

My homebirth midwife came with me to the delivery room as my spouse. She cut the cord and promised to watch my vitals as I was terrified I would stop breathing. After Ezra was out and on my chest, they were sewing me up and I asked them very candidly how much longer it would be. This dashing man with long curly hair said "We're just gluing you up now" and I asked him, very politely, "please use the purple Elmer's glue because it dries clear".

Never a dull moment.

My other children were not allowed to come up to the hospital because of the Covid restrictions, but I had a couple of visitors.

We stayed and snuggled in the hospital for a couple of days. He was absolutely perfect.

Ezra Sage Holiday

January 4, 2023