Good Grief

Grief. So much grief.

There's this amazing book called The Hotel Under the Sand by Kage Baker, in the first chapter the author talks about this young girl named Emma. Emma was on a great adventure that started off with massive waves of all consuming grief. It then says that if Emma started crying now for everything that she had lost in the waves, she would never stop crying, so she got up, brushed herself off and continued on her way.

I have experienced layer upon layer upon layer of grief the last few years. And I am so thankful. Every time another wave crashes over me, I look and reevaluate and find the next best footing to get me to shore. I feel like I have a pretty good system down for analyzing the grief, interpreting the lessons and then finding my way home again.

But teaching your children how to handle grief is another lesson.

My sweet 12 year old had her first big crush. She is the most tender hearted girl, so sweet and kind and genuine. She had to learn that lesson that not every "friend" that we call friend is going to be the best. Watching her crumble into the waves of devastation, saying things she didnt mean but absolutely felt to her core and realizing that sometimes a good laugh, good coffee and a little chocolate can actually solve the world's problems was magical. We talked about what a true friend should look like and what being support for her looks like. Grief.

Ezra, our sweet three year old has had so much grief. We've had friends say they would stay in touch that chose to instead walk away. I've seen his little brain process changing of therapy services and transitions that were a lot harder on him than I thought. Watching his struggle with things that most of us consider to be simple. Grief for both of us. My heart just absolutely breaks for him when he labels something a "baddie" and explains why it hurt him. I am SO THANKFUL for his words and so sad that his experience is down. But he has learned that some good snuggles, verbally talking out his feelings and feet in the grass can make the world a little less hard to carry on. "I'll be a good friend and keep promises"

Then...watching my sweet 20 year old experience the death of one of her closest and dearest friends - without rhyme, without reason and trying to be there to comfort and encourage and love her and realizing that they don't need me anymore. They have the tools that they need to get through the grief. They have built their own empires to embrace them and keep them and help them sail through the storms is SO BEAUTIFUL. It's what it's all about, right? Well, that and the hokey pokey, obviously.

But our job, as parents is to raise strong, brave, beautiful and resilient humans that essentially wont "need" us anymore. The hope of course is that they will call once in awhile, come visit or send a homing pigeon, but that they are able to do the life thing.

My grief is my own. My children's is their own, but helping them navigate is so bitter sweet. It's so hard to watch their little hearts process and experience the humanness of it all. But the magic is in watching them grow and learn that the beauty outweighs the grief.

With tear-filled eyes....

I'm back