From Coffee to Chaos

I am an avid problem solver. I am a "think out of the box"er. I am a growing encyclopedia of ideas and creative ways to turn chaos into beauty. For without the liquidation of the caterpillar, you wouldnt get the cocoon. Without the obliteration of the seed, you wouldn't get the flower.

I started working when I was 14 years old -- outside of my steady babysitting job, which I start at age 11. I worked at a pizza shop until I was 16 and then my coffee shop career started. I remember very vividly my interview.

"So, do you like coffee?"

"No, but I really like the environment and I love helping people."

"You will have to learn to like coffee"

"Okay. I can do that" (gateway to my addiction!)

She laughed, "I don't drink coffee either, but I do like hot chocolate"

"That works!"

And that was the start of my life-long love affair with coffee shops.

When I got married, Mr. Ex-husband said we would start up our own coffee shop! And we did....DREAMS! It was called Brewed Awakenings (hehehe) and I loved every early morning of making fresh cinnamon rolls, and everything from scratch. We got to tour coffee roasters and be true coffee snobs...I mean connoisseurs. I had THE BEST staff and it was a dream come true. Secrets were kept and finances failed, but it was definitely a dream that was able to play out for many years. We closed our final door on March 13, 2020 (thank you covid).

After my divorce in 2021, I considered going back to the coffee shop world, but that doesn't really pay enough to raise a family, so I went to work as a chiropractic assistant and office manager, which I loved for the most part. Seeing people heal was incredible and the Dr and I worked really well together, but after a while things needed to change and I got asked to manage and "magically transform" a coffee shop. It. Was. Remarkable. I was in heaven. And I was wrong, the money showed up. It was a coffee shop within a garden center/ floral shop. It was very Hallmark Channel.

When I started I had one...ONE staff member and had to work every waking shift. It was a lot, but it felt worth it. I was praised for my changes and how much work I was putting in. I would go home exhausted, but caffeinated. Sales didn't change much from August to January. I hired an assistant manager and he was fantastic. We brainstormed ideas and worked to move from the straighten out to make more money phase and while I was gone visiting my daughter in Kansas City, they gave him my job. With zero warning.

No problem. I am the ultimate problem solver. I went home and said "its okay. I will have a new job by Monday." Nothing.

"Totally cool. I'll have a new job by next week". Nope!

Then Ezra's extra therapies started, the road to supporting an autistic child is so incredibly cumbersome. He has five therapies a week, plus was seeing Dr. Jake bi weekly and his pediatrician. Finding a job that will oblige his therapy schedule is apparently zero.

As I write this post, it is October. I have been "unemployed" since January. I have turned in at least 15 applications a week. I work as a nanny and I do reflexology when I can. I have advertised to do childcare out of my home with minimal interest. I apply for remote work, in person (part time so I can still do everything for Ezra). It is absolutely insane.

So, I hit the streets of Facebook for answers. I ask in all of the parents of autistic children groups, ask friends with children on the spectrum, etc. And the answer to "what do you do for work?" is "I dont." "My husband works so that I can take care of our child and get them to appointments."

What, pray tell, is a completely single mother to do?? This special needs life is completely, hauntingly, difficult. I could drop his therapies to go to work full time. I have even made it so that we can have all of his appointments on three days out of the weeks, so I can work 4. But that's not enough. And for some reason, employers REALLY want you to work Wednesdays.

Thankfully, here in January (my one year unemployed mark) Ezra will be aging out of Early Intervention and he will start preschool part time so I can drop him off and apply for some stable jobs. He'll be doing his therapies at school and then will have one external therapist, plus Dr. Jake and pediatrician. So things "should" be more manageable (fingers crossed).

This has been an incredible financial strain. For a child born out of assault, with a "dad" who continually racks up my attorney fees, refuses to pay the appropriate amount of child support, or be involved physically for visits.

I don't know what this post was supposed to be about entirely. Except for deeper understanding that this "autism" life is not just about sleepless nights, diagnoses and his amazing wins. There's so much that families don't talk about. I cant speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself... I dont want the attention, I don't need or want someone to feel sorry for me, or for us. But the struggles go so much farther than just the surface level.

"Just put him in daycare". I know. I know! But most daycares won't take him. His meltdowns can turn violent and that would make him a liability. Besides, like I tell people, I am a VERY patient person, and if I feel like I lose my patience and I am his mother who loves him unconditionally, how will a daycare provider who doesn't have that patience with him react? Plus, all the appointments.

I am glad that I lost the job at the Hallmarkesque coffee shop. There were a lot of chemicals the employees were exposed to, it was too many hours, and Ezra was far from thriving. And the chaos that we have been experiencing the last 9+ months has been utter chaos, but my son is speaking, sleeping (sometimes) and I have the tools that I need to move forward with him.