Shark ties

We had court on October 10. I showed up rattled after being stalked for weeks, 32 weeks of no visitations, only one doctor appointment ever attended by "dad" and he was asking for full custody (at first, then 50/50 in the courtroom). It's taken me a bit to unravel that day and slowly let my brain open up to what was said and not said.

I had an amazing support team, my best friend, my dad and my fella were all present; two to be my strength and ears in the courtroom, so while I told myself affirmations they could play back what was said; and my dad was going to testify as a witness. Ezra's occupational therapist was also present to testify.

So, through shaky hands and heart palpitations, I was driven to the courthouse where I was reminded step by step that good things happen in court houses.

First, I was met with a wedding party; a stunning bride, smiling ear to ear with her love on her arm, surrounded by family also beaming.

Good things happen in court houses.

Next, in the court room that we were to be in, attorney's flitted in and out and an older gentleman came out wearing a shark tie. Come on. Really? Ezra is OBSSESSED with sharks. I asked him "Is that a shark on your tie?" and he said "absolutely! A shark with brief cases!" He goes on to say that he found it in a novelty shop and that it was instructed that he take it off before sex (he was 75+). I laughed. He turned the tie over and it literally said the same.

Laughter happens in court houses.

He goes on to tell us that he is there for an adoption case.

Good things happen in court houses.

I sat in the court room while they once again said "We're going to keep the same visitation schedule. Mr ("dad"), you need to start showing up to therapy appointments and show up to visitations, be involved in what's going on in his life and we'll go from there. Show some consistency." Our next hearing is now in January, Ezra will be 3.

Consistency. 32 weeks of no visitations. No phone calls. Not one "how is Ezra doing?". I update him on all of Ezra's everything's. His appointments, progress, send therapy notes and dr notes to him. I ask weekly if he will be by and I might as well be talking to a wall.

My biggest desire was that I didn't want Ezra to have unsupervised visits with someone who does not care about his care plan, his safety, doesn't know how to take care of my son. He hasn't been involved at all - other than 5 visits in the last year, none of which were the full scheduled time. Overall, it ended good, even if it isn't over.

So, now, I will pay another attorney retainer and wait another few months and hopefully this next time it will be resolved, and "dad" will choose to just walk away, since being actively involved isn't what he wants, obviously.

How is Ezra handling it all? He hears it from his little sister when he says "I want to go to my dad's house" that he doesn't have a dad (she goes to hers 50/50). He is, unfortunately getting to that age where he realizes that something is different, something is off and says that "papa-man" (my dad) is his dad. Which my dad has assumed that role valiantly, until someone comes along to claim Ezra and me. Or Ezra will simply say "my dad is gone". We don't talk poorly about "dad" in front of Ezra. Ezra will be a strong, amazing man, with an incredible personality and I will teach him (along with the strong men in our life), how to be a good, divinely masculine man.