To be loved, is to be cherished

Choose love, my loves

I have been divorced for over 4 years.

During that time, I have had one six-month relationship, otherwise I have tried dating (until now <3). It's a nightmare out there, on that dating field.

Prior to my decade long marriage, I was a very traditional woman. You met the man "in the wild", you found out his love language, you loved and respected him and did the things you were "supposed to".

Now! - in this day and age the dating world is a frenzy - a free for all. And it is too much for someone like me. Up is down and down is up and everyone dates everyone and your best friend was dating the guy that got you pregnant and there's so many different VARIATIONS to dating... I just wanted simple. Please.

I don't want to go into much detail about the oddities that are running rampant in this day and age, but I did read something the other day that truly hit home on many fronts, even parenting.

All online dating conversations were the same

"hey. how are you? good. me too. cool. what are you looking for? long term. me too. cool. what do you do in your free time, when you have it? are you employed? own car? own place to live or are you in your parents basement? are you divorced? are you single?" (YES! YOU HAVE TO ASK IF THEY ARE SINGLE!)

and then if the conversation continued for at least 20 minutes...

"What's your love language?"

I have taken the Five Love Languages Test at least 10 times in my life, it seldomly changes; words of affirmation and physical touch are typically my two, sometimes affirmations and acts of service interchange if I am in a season of my life that my trust in people's words is shaky.

So, I saw this thing that said, "Find the person that feeds all love languages".

What if...

Hear me out...

What if we loved people as a whole.

Even in the test, it isn't that you aren't appreciative of gifts, or your lower scoring languages, but you just aren't as connected to those.

Gifts is always my lowest score on the test, yet I enjoy gifts, I love gifts, especially if they are from the heart and homemade. I love knowing that someone thought about me. I love a surprise cup of coffee, or tea; a flower picked just for me, a letter or picture that the kids bring.

I just love love - always have. And I love loving. And I love cherishing those that are closest to me. I want people to feel important and adored and cared for. My children, of course. My wonderful boyfriend. My remarkable family. My irreplaceable friends.

The world has been so remarkably scary and hateful lately and I wonder - if we can love just a little more deeply and a little more fully if we can slowly start to heal those that are broken. One act of kindness has a ripple effect; so does one act of hate.

I choose love. Always.

How can you instill a little more love into your day? Towards your children, your significant other, your neighbor, coworker, especially those that are difficult to love and yourself.

Meditation Time::

There is this amazing meditation that I used to lead clients through at the end of a session.

Close your eyes. Take 3 deep breaths. Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds and breathe out for 8 seconds.

First, envision the faces of all of those you love. The people that make your life worth living; the friends, family, acquaintances that fuel your fire. You imagine a circle of warm light surrounding them, full of as much love as you can possibly muster. You think of how much you love all of them and allow yourself to really feel into it deeply.

Next you see the faces of those that are in your day to day, but you don't feel as much loving kindness towards, maybe your barista, the gas station attendant, etc. And you muster up the same amount of loving kindness as you did for those you hold dear.

Thirdly, you think of those that make your life difficult. The ones that make the blood boil, the ex spouses, the difficult coworker, managers, that a-hole that cut you off in traffic this morning - and, yep! you send them the same amount of love, encouragement, kindness and peace that you send to those you love; the same warm light, with the same intensity. If you cant go that far at first, give yourself grace.

Lastly and most difficultly, you think of yourself, and you send yourself the same amount of loving kindness that you've given to everyone else. Sometimes it's hard to love ourselves fully and when we have to accept our own faults we tend to judge a lot more harshly.

Encompass the whole world in that same loving light and end the meditation with the same breathing practice that you started with.

Opening your eyes, you will feel more grounded, more at peace and you've just chosen to love the world as it is in this moment. Fully. Wholly. And despite all it's flaws.

Choose love, my loves.