What do you want to be when you grow up?

I love the ages between 4-6 when kids' little brains explode with color and imagination and story-telling. Every age has it's perks, obviously, but for the sake of today's blog post, we are sponsoring the ages 4-6.

You really start to see the whole picture of who this little one is going to be. They find themselves in space and time and their little brains go a million miles a minute thinking about anything and everything and the mini tidbits that erupt out of their little mouths are worth every second of sass that accompanies them.

We were driving in the car this morning. Ezra is already on his second meltdown for the day - this time because the sun is "looking him in the eyes and I just can't stand it anyMOOOOOOORE"

And Eleanor (who was diagnosed with autism level 1 two weeks ago) says "I'm going to be a ballerina when I grow up". And I feel the warmth come to my eyes. That's what I was going to be when I grew up. I didn't tell her that. I asked her if we should start ballet classes now? And she said "No! I can't go to work yet, mom. I have school today". And I explained she could take classes when she isn't in school, if she wants to.

She paused to wave at a Jr High Cheerleader "man, she is pretty. Did you see her sparkly bow?"

"Do you want to be a cheerleader while you wait for becoming a ballerina?"

"No, I have to just be a kid first"

"Ok!" I laugh inaudibly. I am not disappointed that she doesn't want to add more to our weekly schedules but will gladly support her dreams.

There's silence as we drive up the very winding road that connects her older sister's school from her own. The leaves on the trees are starting to turn and I can almost hear the next question forming in her sweet mind. From the silence of the backs seat (other than Ezra's quiet mantra about the sun being asleep again - because we're in the shade...), she asks "What did you want to be when you grew up, when you were the age I am now?" And somehow that question breaks me. Tears start streaming down my face.

"Ellie, I wanted to be a ballerina".

"NO WAY!" I nod my head, thinking about little me wanting nothing more than to just dance and sing my way through life. And the stark realization that the only part of me "dancing" right now are my heart palpitations. The stress is so tangible right now, I could cut it with a knife.

I said "And after that, I wanted to be a teacher. And after that, the only thing I wanted to be, was a mom to many beautiful children"

"Welp, you got to be one of those at least" she says very candidly.

"I did!" I chuckle. "And I got to teach for 9 years and I do get to be the mom to many amazing children!"

More silence.

"I'm still going to be a ballerina"

"Yes you are, Ellie. Yes you are."

"Welp, now I'm nervous" she says.