I asked for the tools, now to use them

When all of this started with Ezra - the 2 1/2 hour meltdowns and the insomnia and regressions and what felt like insanity...I felt like...I was okay, at first. This wasn't my first rodeo. This wasn't even my first child that didn't sleep, or that cried frequently, just maybe not this intense. Not my first child that didn't like their car seat, etc. But all of my creative go to's to make things better, just seemed to be null and void. Nothing worked. So I started this journey simply looking for tools.

Ezras done Early Intervention, went to 5+ therapy sessions a week, had weekly neurological chiropractic appointments, took classes, had support from other autism families, learned Ezra's limitations and how to interact with him and how to even rephrase our dialogue to support the way his brain functions. He's had other evaluations and we are still waiting for genetic testing. We've learned sign language, changed diets, played with different sensory toys and different herbal remedies to help find what works best for him. I've created routines and schedules and habits that shape his daily life and create the safety net that keeps him regulated.

Everything that we have tried has played a pivotal role in making Ezra the Ezra he is today. We have the most incredible team now. He has a social behavioral therapist that hasn't worked with him directly in months, but is continually working with me when we need to tweak or alter something and she gives me more tools to use. He has his Occupational Therapist who has been a godsend since the beginning. And we recently started weekly classes at KidStrong. I am still on the fence about this.

The last five years I have developed a mantra that I say with my kids often. "Are you health? Are you happy? Are you brave? Are you free? Then it's a good day" When I say "Are you free?" Ezra usually replied with "Ellie's THREE, I'm TWO" (which has never been accurate, but always hilarious. And then he goes "I GOT THIS!"

We walked into KidStrong a couple months ago for Ezra's first class and it says "I am strong! I am brave! I can do this!" And I just knew...this was the place I was supposed to be with him. He typically hides and hermits for the first 10 minutes but then gets up and....PARTICIPATES with other kids, he does the hard work and he ROCKS IT. There have been a couple of classes where he has refused to participate and that makes the price not seem worth it, but I am still weighing the pros and cons here.

But over all, at this point in our autism journey, it isn't so much about the external support as it has become about the tools that I have acquired in my bag, making small micro adjustments and making sure he feels safe.

Because of this we have had some MAJOR wins.

1. He let me cut his hair for the first time without someone's else's assistance.

2. He has learned to be brave in many other areas of his little life.

3. He has learned that sometimes hard things are worth it.

4. He has learned that he is safe to express the big emotions and that I will be right here on the other side.

Overall, I am remarkably proud of his hard work, the dedication of our team to help him thrive and I am not going to lie...I am proud of me for keeping the ball rolling and not giving up (not that it was ever an option).

This life can be so lonely and I feel like he misses out on so much, but at the end of the day he is THRIVING and such a happy boy. The meltdowns are almost non-existent, sleep has massively improved, he talks better than most men my age - let alone kids his age. I am over the moon at where our diligent hard work has brought us.