It is absolutely going to be more than you can handle

I am not ultra religious. I haven't been for a very long time, due to a lot of really nasty people in the world making me take a massive step back from literally anything organized. Maybe I myself am also not organized...I dont know. I do have faith and loads of it. But that's not where this is going.

I got pregnant when I was 16. That's young. Too young. And the dad walked out, walked away. We didn't know we were pregnant with our second. That was the first time I heard "God will never give you more than you can handle."

And now, ladies and gents, I have endured more storms than most will in an entire lifetime. I am diagnosed with C-PTSD which translates to "brain damage from trauma"...super cute look.

I am here to say that God-the Universe-Spirit-Life (whatever you associate with - I choose God) will 100% give you more than you can handle. And I think that is the point.

Bear with me here. I dont see God as a mean fella in the sky with a magnifying glass or pelting me with lightning bolts. I do think, however that he does put us in situations that are more than we think we can tolerate so that we can dig in, dig deeper and then in turn, turn around and lend a hand to those drowning in the waters. And--excuse me, but to give myself some power and some credit for actually knocking this life thing out of the park (somedays).

When I had Ezra, my ex husband took me to court -- I got served court papers for an Emergency Modification for Custody in my hospital bed within 24 hours of an emergency C-section because he didn't believe that I was "fit to be a mother" since I just had a baby. That started a downward spiral of everything that this blog has depicted. At the end of that year, he was still at it, while he went against every parenting decision we had made, called me out in court for not being smart enough to handle our children, called our natural life "snake oil hippie shit" AND THEN out of the shadows, Ezra's dad popped up and wreaked havoc on our lives and at the crescendo of it all, I was at the court house every week for several months, drowning in being a mother to a new born, homeschooling my children, one in the hospital, carbon monoxide poisoning, working to pay all of our bills, and had a million plates spinning and didn't have a moment to breathe. During this time I heard that same messed up phrase "God never gives you more than you can handle". Bull. I call bluff! Incorrect, sir/ma'am.

However, I do fully believe that "I was made for such a time as this" Esther 4:15.

I do believe that what I have been through has a purpose.

I do believe that there is a reason why you don't ask God, WHERE ARE YOU? - learned that lesson once, wont do that again.

And this is when I dug into the phrase "How can it get any better than this" (see blog post with same title).

I do believe we are given the tools that we need for the job and either we knock it out, or we try to skirt around and have to learn the lesson another way. I have started choosing to hit every storm head on and know that I was made for such a time as this.

This life thing, being a single parent to a child with autism with a VERY LIMITED village, and all the other stuff that has been placed on my path is ABSOLUTELY more than I can handle, but the point is that I am never alone. One of my favorite phrases in French I learned after I went through one of the darkest moments of my life was Jamais Seule - never alone.

I am absolutely blessed and over the moon as I write this post and am able to see that all of the little things that I have saved in each storm come to a head to make this post.

So whatever it is that you are going through, whatever storm you are weathering, it is okay for it to be more than you can handle. It is okay to say that it is hard, too much, overwhelming, but remember that through it all, you are never alone.